The first thing to do upon realizing that there is a bear in your restaurant or bar is determine if the bear is wild or is it Jack. This is key to the safety of all in the establishment. Here are four key steps to determine if your bear is wild;
- Is the bear able to talk? If yes, you’ve met Jack.
- Does the bear have opposable thumbs? If yes, you’ve met Jack.
- Can the bear rent an e-scooter? If yes, you’ve met Jack.
- Is the bear wearing a Tacoma Defiance jersey? If yes, you’ve met Jack. We could not find someone to put a Defiance jersey on a real bear.
A bear that cannot do any of these things is not Jack and should be considered wild. If the bear is wild, please contact animal control (253) 627-7387 and prevent conflict. To repeat, if you actually meet a wild bear call animal control. The Washington Department of Fish & Wildlife has a guide on how to deal with wild bear encounters.
But if you are lucky and have encountered Jack the Drinking Bear get ready for good times. These are your next steps;
- Do get excited! Your situation is about to improve. If Jack seems unaware of you, approach gleefully with an outstretched mug of your favorite beverage. If Jack walks toward you, identify yourself as a human by standing up, waving your hands above your head, and offering Jack a cold one.
- Do not throw anything at the Jack, that’s mean.
- Do not run from the Jack. He’s your new friend. Jack wants to learn about what happened in Tacoma in the years since he graced the Tacoma Hotel.
- DO invite Jack to sit with you and your friends. Ask Jack about his memories. Bring up the May 12 soccer match against Portland and see if Jack has tickets.
Jack is a friendly bear, a drinking bear, a defiant bear.